Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us
@gruffybeard : 630: *wakes up to take dog for walk
632: *pours coffee and checks twitter
749: *steps in dog shit on my kitchen floor
@gruffybeard: The Jews probably would've wandered the desert for a lot less time if someone had just deleted Pokémon Go from Moses iPhone.
@gruffybeard: 911: What's your emergency?
Me: I'm scared. I *gasp* can't *gasp* breathe *gasp* again!
911: Sir, for the last time, unbutton your pants.
@gruffybeard: Her: Why's the couch smell like pee?
[Flashback to me watching The Ring alone]
Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."
@gruffybeard: Damn girl, are you the Sunday crossword because I want to spend all day doing you...
@gruffybeard: Her: I love that thing you do to make me moan.
Me: *makes another plate of nachos*
@gruffybeard: 9: Daddy, wanna hear something cool?
9: *tells story*
Me: Ok, well clearly we need to work on how you define "something cool".
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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