I love telling someone to be careful. Because then if they die, that’s on them
Haircuts should be covered by healthcare
Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better
Basically every plane is missing to me. I couldn’t tell you where a single plane is
I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him
Why does the dentist have to take an X-ray of my teeth. They right there bro
I love lying on surveys. Your company is about to shit the bed so hard on its next marketing campaign
Waking up the guy next to me on the plane to tell him to tell the stewardess not to wake me when they come around with snacks
I can’t believe the atomic bomb was dropped from a plane. How the hell did that get through airport security
Colonel Sanders started KFC when he was 65 years old. Which just goes to show… You’re never too old to cook chicken
I hate when drinks say to shake well. Like we’re all just masters of shaking things
Somebody asked me if I could go back in time if I would kill baby Hitler. Hold up. Hitler was a baby? This shit just keeps getting crazier
Airport prices are crazy. 5 billion dollars? For an airport?
If you visit Montreal, you gotta check out residential homes. That’s where all the locals go
McDonald’s employee: for here or to go?
Guy who was born inside McDonald’s and has never seen the outside world: what?