Unicyclists should just walk if they’re so desperate to cut down on wheels
And then there were 4
My friend is really bad at multitasking. Sometimes I’ll be on the phone with him and he’ll say “I’m going into an elevator” and hang up
Airlines will call themselves Air France then fly from Costa Rica to Germany
How about I get 100% off by already being there
Why do they tell you a towns population when you drive passed it. Oh 4000 people live there? That’s perfect. I actually need 4000 people
Oh your gums are bleeding? I brush my teeth so hard my hand is bleeding
They dug up a skeleton on my street. Crazy to think that somewhere out there someone is walking around without a skeleton
Why’s everyone wearing green today. did the Hulk die or something
Flushing my dead goldfish down the toilet. I am kicking this addiction for good
You’ll be disappointed to know faking your own death is more about forging documents than it is about lying perfectly still with your eyes closed
Who dies surrounded by friends. Hey Mike come over I’m dying
Trying to pay for a $10 item with a 5 dollar bill and explaining that the bill is double sided
I have no covid-19 symptoms, which from what I hear, is a symptom of covid-19
my doctor just told me I’ll never be able to play the xylophone ever again in his office