Is it really based on a true story when actors are hotter than the characters they play?
The only reason i’m not practicing bungee jumping is because i refuse to be weighed.
Me: I never lie.
Also me: Yes, i’ve read and agree with the privacy policy.
If you take a closer look, you will see a piece of mind your own business stuck in my teeth.
You stop eating apples if your doctor is cute.
I finished assembling my Ikea chest of drawers, alone, with no help and no instructions.
In related news, i have a brand new stool now.
If your dress suddenly turns into rags at midnight while you’re being driven home by a bunch of mice on a pumpkin, you’re not Cinderella, you’re drunk.
If life was fair, salad would cause weight gain, and we’d have to eat a lot of chocolate to lose it all back.
Those three magic words,
-You can have my taco.Ps. Shut it, maths police.
Today’s horoscope.
●Sagittarius: You’re about to have issues with an Aries.●Aries : Sagittarius think you suck.
-Optimistics: The glass is half full
-Pessimistics: It’s half empty.
-Twitter: Is this about me? I’m offended.
[May 2020]
Top 5 of the wealthiest ppl in the World thanks to Covid- 19.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1. Divorce lawyers
Plot twist. When giving birth, women can finally understand how it feels like for a man to have a headache.
– Shout!
-Me:
– Shout!
-Me:
-Let it all out!!!
-Me: *shouting and letting it all out*
-These are the things i can do without.
-Me:
-My daughter: We are being watched.
-Me: Nahhhh.
So she laughed
And i laughed
And Alexa laughed
And Siri laughed
And the robot vacuum cleaner laughed…