I want to be financially secure enough to pass up a dime lying in a parking lot. Like “I’ll leave that for someone who needs it”
Me: have a great eye for detail
Also me: couldn’t tell when they changed doctors on Dr. Who
My confessional is just a list of things I’m willing to do for cheese
husband: *picking up a hoodie lying on the chair*
me: technically it’s yours, but I’ll let you borrow it
husband: don’t worry, I know who wears the hoodie in this family
If you don’t have one final pee, “for the road,” are you even over 40?
*watching movie with demon killer clown*
Me to husband: Ridiculous, so unbelievable! Did you see the size of that kid’s bedroom