Me: [shaking uncontrollably watching political satire]
Her: are you alright?
Me: YES THIS IS HOW I RELAX NOW
This kid was such a psycho, I told him his food was an airplane and he willingly ate it not questioning all the living passengers aboard.
What about a haunted doll that reminds you to take your birth control
“Hope you don’t mind, I just like to smoke a little after sex” I say tossing the entire body of a salmon over a charcoal pit
A girl started to drink barbecue sauce like it was water and I just stood there and watched because I haven’t been trained for this
We can only blame SO much on trump. Some things are just Ryan Seacrest’s fault.