I thought I was ready for the apocalypse until I saw how much food my son eats in a day and now I’m doomed.
I love that movie about BDSM where the guy is a great kisser & ties up grown men & photographs them for money
Spider-Man, I love Spider-Man
I feel like every time I go to Walmart I automatically witness the contradiction to their slogan being: ‘save money, live better’
The more laundry I do, the less nudists seem crazy to me.
Women are like Gremlins, get them wet and they get into all sorts of trouble.
If I worked at Starbucks I’d pull a Napoleon Dynamite every time.
“I see you’re drinking 2%, is that because you think you’re fat?”
So apparently airport security doesn’t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.