Almost got asked for ID this morning!
Ok, most of my face was covered by a mask but I’m still having it!
I’ll be so mad if I get reincarnated as me
Autocorrect is my menesis
My husband asked what I wanted for Valentine’s day
Apparently ‘a night out with my boyfriend’ is not an acceptable answer
Me: dance like no one’s watching!
Them: but not naked in the freezer aisle with a frozen turkey to ‘do they know it’s Christmas’!
Me: *disappointed* so an oral argument isn’t having make up sex after a row?
Lawyer:
What is a ‘sexual prime’ and can I get it on Amazon?
Dating in your 50’s is great!
Although my husband’s not that keen, tbh
Therapist: tell me your dreams
Me: cheese
Therapist: no your weird dreams
Me: still cheese
Therapist: ok, your sexy dreams
Me: kinky cheese?
*me dressed as the grim reaper*
What d’ye mean I’m not your type?
When the doctor asks you ‘How are you feeling today?’ sexy is not an appropriate answer apparently.
Sure sex is good but have you ever balled your undies up and thrown across the room into the laundry basket first try?
Me, at 20: I’d really like kids one day!
Me: at 40 with 3 kids: I’ve changed my mind
My boyfriend’s really happy we can meet up again now lockdown’s over
My husband not so much so
Husband: so are we self isolating now?
Me: there’s no ‘we’ in ‘self isolate’, you know where the shed is!