I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.
Always getting threatened with “I’d do bad things to you”, never anything useful like, “I’d clean your kitchen” or “I’d do your laundry”
What are guys wearing their sunglasses on the back of their heads hiding from us?
The fact that my AC suggests “church” after “I’m heading to…” suggests I have a dumb phone instead of a smart phone.
As a kid I thought karma would drop more pianos on people’s heads, and now I’m super disappointed.
I’m a real badass until I feel a stray hair and think it’s a spider.
BRB- gotta make a man fall in love with me so I can ask him, “would you still love me if I was a lamp?”