As a millennial, most people assume I am desperate for praise, but the secret is: I would be totally fine with money.
“The Shining” is my favorite documentary about what happens when you don’t have an Internet connection.
I need a punctuation mark that is halfway between a period and an exclamation point so I can answer texts without sounding bored or insane.
You raised me and taught me everything I know. Happy Father’s Day, internet.
AN OPEN LETTER TO COFFEE
Donald Trump is like the “Scream” movies in that he blurs the line between comedy and horror.
1886: We invented a car!
1903: We invented a plane!
1969: We went to the moon!
2015: Taco Emoji!
I can’t believe it’s already been 10 zoips since I invented my own system for measuring time.
*yawning at an art museum*
“I already saw that on Tumblr.”
I’m going to go to the gym and then to eat a Doritos Loco Taco, because I like to keep my body guessing whether or not I hate it.