can I just say I hate that working out gives u energy and mental clarity like… why couldn’t it have been sleeping and laying down why does it have to be exercise it’s so rude
had 2 glasses of wine about to text him “can I ask you something” and then turn my phone off til tomorrow
something america actually gets right is our commitment to air conditioning and ice cubes in drinks. like yeah healthcare would be nice but my god, room temperature water is an abomination
hm. i’ve been alive 26 years and I still do not know what you’re supposed to eat for lunch on thanksgiving in order to maximize your dinner enjoyment
ok like just. call me at this point
if you ever have baby fever just hang out with a toddler for a little bit?? this kid in the bagel shop just stared at me for a full minute and then announced to the entire room “I don’t LIKE HER HAIR” parents very apologetic but i’ve made an enemy for life
I can’t believe I have appendicitis in the middle of a global pandemic. this is legit funny like can my body read the room one time???
listerine whitening mouthwash is just purple shampoo for teeth