I have caller ID for the front door.
If you don’t call me first, I am NOT answering the door.
Who called them accountants and not sumbodies?
The circus serves as a great analogy for marriage. You’re either walking the tightrope or holding a chair because you told her to calm down.
Everyone’s a genius until faced with an alien coffee maker
If you get butterflies in your stomach
You should probably stop eating insects
There are few things more awkward on a blind date than looking up from your phone to realise she’s left.
She obviously wasn’t blind at all.
Relationship status:
My neighbour/girlfriend was kidnapped but she’s ok now, I was caught.
Instead of just answering the phone when it rings, I prefer to wonder why the hell someone’s calling me and glare at it until it goes away.