@iLikeCatShirts

Dog 1: *whispering* you got any drugs?

Dog 2: who said that? Are you a spider?

@iLikeCatShirts

Me: *on the TV show “House Hunters”* There’s a house. And there’s one. Ok there’s like 5 right next to each other.

@iLikeCatShirts

[My first day as Lady Gaga]
*talking to my stylist*
just wrap ham around my face.

@iLikeCatShirts

[Chevy commercial]

“we blindfolded people and put them in our new Chevy. Here’s what they had to say”

Man: I couldn’t see anything. I was blindfolded

Woman: I feared for my life the entire time

@iLikeCatShirts

*starts slow clap*
*Clap. Clap. Clap. Clap*
“Sir, your pizza will be ready in 15 minutes!”
*slow claps for 15 minutes*