I found your suicide note and corrected some grammatical errors. You’re good to go.
This lady on the train has that raspy, cigarette, alcohol, at death’s door kinda voice. I’ma see if she’ll record my voice mail message.
Sorry I put black eyeliner on your baby, but honestly, look at how edgy it is now.
Why yes, person on the Internet, I would love to make $596 per day sitting at home. Let’s do this!!!
Picture me eating dinner.
Wrong!
Louder. Drunker.
Even more backup dancers.
Tonite on House Hunters: Jill wants 4 bedrooms, granite countertops and a home spa. Bob wants to be stabbed in the driveway.
I like that Linkin Park song where the guy suddenly screams.
It’s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
What doesn’t kill you was only practicing.