first world problems
I could really use hands-free web browsing.
hid some cash in the house for emergencies and now I can’t find it
Does this thing get good gas mileage?
-my husband being kidnapped
waking up with a headache was not the pounding I was hoping for
it took 26 tries to get this “messy” bun to look just right and he asked why I didn’t do my hair today, so I hit him with the shovel
officer: fair enough
if you’re reading my tweets and judging me by my typos I just want you to know, yes, english is my first language
one day, after your children have moved out, you realize it was your husband who you needed to hide the good cookies from all along
Google needs a “you really don’t want to know” search answer.
I can still party like I’m 22.
Too bad I recover like I’m 82.
I can’t stand fake people.
Unless you’re with me and we are faking that we are sober for a cop.
Then you need to be Oscar winning fake.
Pharmacy employee you’re too unhappy for someone who is in control of all the drugs.
*pets your eyebrows*
there, there caterpillar; everything will be ok