I had to have stupid emergency laser eye surgery today and I never thought my eyes would be the first to betray me but they’ve seen some shit at this point so I guess it makes sense.
The best thing about having siblings is roping them into Schemes
*chasing after a rooster* give me your cool hat
If a huge beast told me not to go in one hallway of his extremely haunted house I’d be like “that sounds right” and never go there. But no one wants to sing about that. No candles want to sing about common sense.
I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.
You can create your own organic, totally biodegradable mask by walking face-first through a series of spider webs every morning.
Everyone talks about how mean geese are and how aggressive geese are but it seems like we used to eat a lot of goose holiday dinners and now we don’t so
incredibly disappointed to discover that these are two separate programs
Scooby and the Gang *continually shocked when a regular dude turns out to be a monster*
Me: same
Horned lizards can squirt blood out of their eyes when threatened by predators, but my enemies have to be satisfied with my regular tears.
Eels, the slap bracelets of the sea.
Finally, a cream that replaces me with another person
[Dracula before he got braces]
:F
[little snake covering himself with glue before school so his crush will think he started shedding]
Clark Kent: *removes glasses*
Freddie Prinze Jr: wow I never realized how beautiful you are