me when i know i have to be awake in a couple of hours
The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.
What’s the matter, babe?
You haven’t touched any of your Shrekfast.
her: wanna be my fwb?
me: friends with bacon???
her: …
“Today, my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.”