*experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner*
Shhhhh! I can’t hear about how God spoke to you! I’m busy listening to my toaster tell me about his day.
Don’t just lay there… Move! Bounce! Do something!!
~ me, pleading with my hair
Me: Ugh! I never know what to say in these situations…
Friend: You say ‘good morning’ back
“I can’t wait to nail you later”
*whispers to the new picture I just bought*
*professes my undying love to my microwave*
*microwave sets itself on fire*
I think I may have accidentally sprayed my fairy godmother with Raid…
Note to self:
Next time your migraine specialist asks “How’s your head?” Don’t reply with “No man has ever complained.”
The good thing about being tall is, you can’t get lost in a crowd.
The bad thing is, you can’t get lost in a crowd.
Guys love it when you rest your head on their shoulder at the movie theatre.
Their girlfriends however… not so much.
Relax lady, I don’t want your husband.
I just want the sandwich he’s eating.