My kid asked me for a boomerang so I handed him the apple that has gone back and forth in his lunch for the past week
In sibling math no matter which half they’re given, it’s always smaller.
I did the universal sign for “call me” and my tween gave me a confused look and asked “on a banana?”
I love my in laws but sometimes it’s hard with the language barrier, like today they said they were taking the kids all day and I thought they meant they were taking the kids all day
My husband and I committed to never yelling at our kids. Then we had kids.
Welcome to your 40s. The only shoes you can tolerate are running, but you won’t be doing any of that anymore.
I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.
For introverts, the worse kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store
The first time my daughter met her Great Aunt she turned to me and moistly whispered “I thought it was weird that you called her great, but I see it now”
Is ChatGPT my father in law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it as fact
what machine says: do not remove card
what I read: remove card
I know that when my husband gets home late tonight he’s going to eat all the chips so this leaves me with no choice but to eat all the chips first
Parenting is like I would take a bullet for you but if you leave one more dirty Kleenex lying around I’m going to kill you myself.
moms bragging about their kids like ok we’re just gonna sip our wine and pretend Claire’s kid didn’t just ask how many years she’s been 8 for
No one is more ambitious than a mom with a single day off.