the guy at Subway just put Cheetos on my sandwich. can’t tell if he’s stoned, or he knows that I am
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I’m so confused
Chairman: Please, introduce yourself
Eminem: Hi! My name is..
E: My name is..
E: Hi! My name is..
“Huh?” – Wonder Woman
are those your eyebrows, or did you headbutt a box of Sharpies
I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore
hey people that post selfies on Instagram and caption it ‘No Filter’, go with a filter next time. serious
“Would you like to import all of your phonebook contacts to your Twitter account…?”
hahahaha yeah, that’ll go well
Siri’s on her period. she needs an iPad
I always like to keep $7000.00 on me in case I wanna stop at Whole Foods and get some fruit