Please don’t put a coin on my mouth when I die; I plan to wander the shores of the River Styx for 100 years & finally get that bikini body.
I’m sorry I punched you in the face when you said “I love you”. Intimacy scares me. And you said it to my sister.
Hub: You ready to go?
Me: In a minute, I’m beating the kids.
[Cut to me just decimating the kids at Mario Kart]
Shipwreck diary, Day 32,567: So, turns out I’m immortal.
I would make a terrible Buddhist because I kill a lot of ants and drifters