@impaulmccoy

Food bloggers could post a recipe for ice and it’d still be 3 pages long.

@impaulmccoy

I’m single in quarantine and just found a box of googly eyes. I’m going to place them on objects around the house because I miss social anxiety.

@impaulmccoy

Any day now, there will be a country song called “(He broke up with me from) 6 Feet Apart”.

@impaulmccoy

It’s now socially acceptable to play Cards Against Humanity with your 8 year old.

@impaulmccoy

Day 5 of quarantine. Alexa and I are no longer speaking to each other.

@impaulmccoy

I’m guessing the game Twister isn’t getting a lot of action right now.

@impaulmccoy

My Uber driver just told me that he’s been doing a lot of pick ups/drop offs at ER’s and Urgent Care, so, goodbye.

@impaulmccoy

(walks into coworker’s office who has an Echo)

Alexa, what is Pi to a thousand digits?

(walks out)

@impaulmccoy

People who say “why wasn’t I invited?” don’t realize that they are actually the real winners.

@impaulmccoy

My neighbors still have their Christmas wreath on the door. I was gonna knock to complain, but I don’t like confrontation so I just stole it.