[First day of medical school]
Teacher: Here is a diagram of all the vessels of the body…
Me: So in surgery, do we cut the red one or the blue one to diffuse the bomb?
“This syrup tastes funny…”
-Me, drunk, putting soy sauce on my pancakes
You might think I’m flirting, but really those faces are just me trying to get the peanut butter off the roof of my mouth
Whoever designated mini cupcakes as “two-bite” has greatly underestimated my #cupcake eating abilities.
Me: I need a simple, easy hobby to relax and clear my mind
Also me: I will teach myself metalworking techniques from the Middle Ages
Apparently I’m a bad mother for having a lip piercing. Actually sir, that is a zit. Thank you for pointing it out.
My son won a plastic horn at the fair so now our house is filled with obnoxious noise because my husband won’t put it down