A pregnant family member is looking for a old-fashion social security number. What is your social security number?
ok so i’m watching gladiator and the romans are white people with british accents. ok hollywood. alright.
“people online aren’t your real friends” tom hanks was best friends with a volleyball.
people are like ooohhh you’re twice divorced? yes. i like getting divorced, ok?
if i heard the mario coin sound whenever i completed a task maybe i’d accomplish more
movies be like: here is a scientist – she is world renowned, she teaches at MIT, she is 24, she is stupid hot.
Damn girl clean ur room before u paint a selfie
I’m 35 so when I get drunk I just water my plants a little more recklessly than usual.
Oh deer
I’m 97% positive that my working from home situation will be negatively impacted by the fact that I’m downloading Fallout 4 on my work laptop right now.