Me: Do you have homework?
11: Do you know that the world is 23.3 trillion dollars in debt?
My mom said if she’d known grandchildren were so fun she would’ve skipped a generation so I loaded the kids with candy and left them at her house.
I was trying to explain how tired I was cause I was up all night scoom drolling and now I don’t think I need to explain any further.
My kid spends so much time at the nurse’s office she now has a medical degree.
I shoulda been an air conditioner cause all I do is vent.
My daughter was giving me major attitude so I asked her if she’s seen Rapunzel and she said yes and I said keep it up and you’ll be locked in your room like that tower until your hair grows that long.
My 8 year old told me a boy proposed at school and she accepted and honestly this will be her second marriage so I told her she’s going to get a reputation.
9: Don’t break anyone’s heart. But they do have 209 bones.
Me: You make me so proud.
Set my alarm for 2 am to go into my son’s room and tell him it’s raining to repay the favor he let me know this morning.
When my kids aren’t listening to me I just yell ignore me! And then I feel better that they’re finally listening.
My husband did a load of dishes and folded a load of laundry and then complained that I didn’t even notice and I laughed so hard I almost coughed up a lung.
It’s woman law if another woman tells you your outfit is cute and you got a deal on it you must tell them where you got it and how much it cost.
I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.
I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework and she brings it home marked incorrect.
I always pencil in 45 minutes in my calendar when asking my daughter a question.