My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.
Me: I’m PMSing and everyone bugs me.
Husband: You should do the Calm app.
Me: You should do the STFU app.
Why is my kid asking me to play go fish like I didn’t birth her a twin and a brother for this exact reason?
My kid’s piano teacher told me he liked my Halloween shirt and I told him thanks but this is just how I dress.
My son just told me everyone wishes they had a mother like me and I don’t know if I should hug him or ask him what the hell he did wrong.
10: I just read that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger.
Me: It’s 6 am.
I saw a sign that said save the earth it’s the only planet that has tacos and I thought that’s so dumb how do they know other planets don’t have tacos?
If I had a dime for every time my kids called mom I could buy my own island but my kids would still find me.
My kids still haven’t started school yet and I can’t wait to get them out of my house I mean get their education started.
7: Mom can I tell you the longest dream I had?
Me: Why don’t you write it down so I can absorb it? But first tell Dad.
My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house.