Him: Favorite workout? Me: Pilates. Him: Why? Me: Because we lay down for an hour.
Text: ARE YOU ALIVE? Me: Why?
I like extremes. I want a nerd, but he’s gotta be an extreme nerd. Like I don’t even want to understand what he’s talking about.
Him: You’ll always be the one that got away. Me: Escaped. Him: What? Me: I said Thanks.
Flirt with him. Drop down and pick up your asthma inhaler. Look back, readjust your glasses.
When your friend wants to do a drive by but none of us can see that good at night anymore.
Put all your neighbors names on your Halloween tombstones in your front yard and wink when you’re outside and they walk by.
When you think your man is being romantic but really he just doesn’t have electricity.
I can’t believe I used to talk to people.