Friend: What do you like most about Adele?
Me: Have you seen her work/life balance? She works for 6 months then disappears for 5 years.
[First day as a driving instructor]
“Okay kid, reverse. Keep going and stop when you hear a bang.”
(At the bar)
Woman: Hi, I think I’ve seen you somewhere before.
Me: Must be Twitter
Her: Did you say Tinder?
Me: Ya know, maybe that was it