@jamdugg: cop: do you know why i pulled u over?
me: was i speeding?
me: was my tail light out?
me: is it because u need a hug
cop: also because there’s an arm hanging out of your trunk
@jamdugg: *in ambulance*
Me: Hey if I said you had a nice defibrillator, would you hold it against me?
Paramedic: (blushes) Nooooo...
@jamdugg: Friend: "Hey, that girl is cute. Can you put in a good word for me?"
*walks up to girl*