Good morning to everyone except people that can tell the difference between ‘Under Pressure’ and ‘Ice Ice Baby’ as soon at the song starts.
Got banned from helping my granddaughter write sentences with spelling words. Apparently third graders can’t write about tequila.
Acronyms got me like WTF?
If the earth is flat, so is my stomach.
2019 stress ball: ●
2020 stress ball: |
Quick! I’m doing my taxes. Is it normal to get $76,000 back when you make $60,000?
I have a dentist appointment this afternoon. What’s the quickest way to erase a year of bad decisions?
I’m fairly certain my dogs would run away and hide if I’m ever attacked by a leaf.
Why haven’t we tried telling our kids they have to stay 6 feet away from us? Do I have to think of everything?
If I had two brownies, I’d give you one
little corner off of one
I’ve done a lot of crazy things in my life. Things I’m not proud of. Things I should be ashamed of. And I hope I’m not finished.
I don’t know where it went wrong, but even Barbie has a nicer house and car than me.
Changing my name to ‘free unlimited high-speed wifi’ so everyone will love me.
Getting lucky during a pandemic means I just scored the last bag of doritos in the grocery store.
Jumped off the couch so fast when the microwave dinged that I’m now eligible for the draft.