About to throw up
Met 3 other women in the bathroom at this restaurant who are also on first dates. We all collaborated and discussed our dates in here. We are best friend and will be in each other weddings
My biological clock is telling me it’s lunch time
my dad deserves an award for the amount of times I’ve had to call him this year and say “im fine but my car isn’t”
When guys hold up their legs while riding a motorcycle. Like oh r u having soooo much fun. Are you saying weeeeeee
The worst part about a fender bender is getting out of your car and having to meet a new person
to people who call it “supper” and not “dinner”: do you also have some crops to tend to? would you like me to go fetch you water from the well past the prairie? are the cold winter months coming? have you hunted for meat recently? is the bread ready? have you smelt the tears of
Sand doesn’t even taste bad it’s just the texture
police: im sorry to both of you. your son set the school on fire.
parents: arson?
police: yes, your son.
Why is “silly goose” a phrase have u ever met a goose they are the most serious and powerful dinosaur lookin monsters I’ve ever encountered not one of them is silly