@jctwritesstuff

Him: It’s like people are going feral.

Me: *looks in mirror*
*tries to run fingers through my hair*
*hand gets stuck in rat’s nest*
*flicks ham off my shirt*
*takes deep breath*
*straightens shoulders*
*lifts chin*

It’s finally my time to shine. I shall be their leader.

@jctwritesstuff

[First Date]

I’ll have a turkey burger. No bun, please.

[Second Date]

*just goes straight up Pac-Man on the basket of garlic rolls*

@jctwritesstuff

*sees cute guy approaching*
Me: *whispers to self* Don’t be weird… don’t be weird…
Him: Hey.
Me: *wombat noises*

@jctwritesstuff

Whatever, hissing raccoon. Sitting there, judging me. I didn’t mean to throw the cake in the trash so it’s still fair game.

@jctwritesstuff

Him: It’s been like 30 years, I think you should let it go.
Me: It could still happen.
Him:
Me: [to my John Taylor Duran Duran poster] He’s just jealous.

@jctwritesstuff

Me: *points to donut case*

Her: How many would you like, ma’am?

Me: Yes.

@jctwritesstuff

So there’s a legend that in 1593, a soldier in Manila teleported to Mexico and I’ve never felt so connected to the lengths someone will go to for tacos.