Him: Let’s role play.
Me: What did you have in mind?
Him: Well, I know how much you love the 80s…
Me: You want me to blow you like an Atari cartridge?
*eats tiny amount of kale*
I AM INVINCIBLE WHO WANTS TO ARM WRESTLE
Her: Wow, how’d you get that black eye?
Me: *thinks back to that husky raccoon lying in wait* BAR FIGHT
*Bat signal lights up Gotham*
Mothra: GODDAMNIT *just flies straight into it*
I’ll just have a salad.
*shoves a whole brisket in my maw like a bear going into hibernation*
[David Attenborough voice]
And here we see JC in her natural habitat. Watch as she circles the donut case, bystanders completely unaware of her imminent attack.
Him: It’s like people are going feral.
Me: *looks in mirror*
*tries to run fingers through my hair*
*hand gets stuck in rat’s nest*
*flicks ham off my shirt*
*takes deep breath*
It’s finally my time to shine. I shall be their leader.
I’ll have a turkey burger. No bun, please.
*just goes straight up Pac-Man on the basket of garlic rolls*
*sees cute guy approaching*
Me: *whispers to self* Don’t be weird… don’t be weird…
Me: *wombat noises*