When someone asks me if I can do them a “solid”, I always answer with “my pleasure” before heading to the bathroom.
Him: “Part of having a sense of humor is knowing when to show restraint.”
Me: “Yeah, but this is Twitter.”
Where’s a careening bus when you need it?
My husband and I are very compatible.
He’s a problem solver and I have lots of them.
[husband opening refrigerator]
Me: “What are you looking for?”
Him: “I don’t know, but I’m sure we don’t have it”
TV led me to believe there would always be a potted plant to hide behind when needed.
Alas, this is not so.
If people start referring to your outfits as “get-ups,” you might want to start rethinking some of your fashion choices.
After seeing my share of people’s ultrasound pictures I’m convinced that they just give everyone the same one.
My Sister: My baby doesn’t sleep! The books say newborns sleep 16 hours a day!
Me: Unfortunately, some babies don’t read those books.
I establish dominance by setting my 8 layer dip next to your 7 layer dip at your party.