serving silly goose instead of turkey
the sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines
asking my bank if i can do extra credit
i’m not “wearing a costume” that would be childish and silly. i’m wearing a disguise
you should get a pension for having to go to school for 12 years
i wonder if hootie ever experimented with other kinds of fish
banana peels are my favorite fall accessories
just saw a guy tweet “be a good kitten and behave for daddy” lmao bro have u ever met a cat??
eating beef jerky and thinking that cow probably shoulda drank more water
is she “spiritual” or does she just really like rocks?
you can lead a squid to water but you can’t make it ink
a camel walks into a bar and the
bartender says, “hey you can’t bring your own drinks in here”
my mother smoked while she was pregnant with me so i’m like basically bbq
i’d never pick the lesser of 2 evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either
you should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science