i was just about to start being a good person but then i got mildly inconvenienced
you’re legally allowed to steal anything from the doctor’s office if they leave you alone in the room for a minute
guy skipping rocks: do you wanna try?
guy who lives in a glass house: ummm idk if i should
him: it’s nice that you wear your heart on your sleeve
me: that’s ketchup
dropping acid is irresponsible like damn bro don’t be so clumsy
“you smell good” yeah bro i’ve had a nose my whole life
wtf is a larm clock?
you can run but you can’t hide
*explaining the difference between tag and hide and seek*
My mom used to feed me soap as a reward for saying bad words.
People hate on frozen pizza. It’s tough on the teeth, but so refreshing on a hot summer day.
calling dibs, but dibs never calls me back 🙁
just rolled a joint. it was my ankle.