@jessokfine

Bread pudding is not a dessert. it is just wet bread. do not fall for this scam. Resist.

@jessokfine

My husband got some virtual reality goggles for christmas and so far I like them because they make him very vulnerable to attack.

@jessokfine

They should make halloween albums like they do for Christmas. I’d love to hear a Michael Bublé version of Monster Mash.

@jessokfine

I wipe my counters with raw chicken breasts because I refuse to have weak children.

@jessokfine

Witches these days have it so easy. Do you know how hard it used to be to find so many newts? Now you get them with free 2 day shipping.

@jessokfine

Look at you, putting your bag of popcorn into a bowl like the Queen of England.

@jessokfine

When someone says “women like you” to me, I assume they’re referring to extremely powerful wizards.

@jessokfine

[Sexting]
“So, what are you wearing?”
A nice blouse and a light sweater. Sensible shoes.

@jessokfine

You knock on the melon to test freshness but something knocks back