This day in history. 1963. The Beach Boys released “Be True to Your School” but I wasn’t taking orders from 5 guys who shared 1 surfboard.
This day in history. 2008. The entire staff of the Canadian Oxford Dictionary was fired. Now damned if I know if it’s moustache or mustache.
It’s hard to take no prisoners in a war against puppies.
“Where is your god now?” I like to shout at children with paper cuts.
If a woman asks you to buy her a flamethrower ask yourself some questions before you buy it.
The most important thing I teach my guitar students is never sing Brown Eyed Girl to a green eyed woman.
I used to mix metaphors but that ship has flown.
This day in history. 1844. Morse sent the first telegraph message WHAT HATH GOD WROUGHT? to Alfred Vail who replied I AM NOT WEARING PANTS.
I don’t care if you have a date you can’t borrow the good porcupine.
This day in history. 2001. Holland legalized assisted suicide for those with terminal illnesses or “It’s a Small World” stuck in their head.
You make me want to be a better sentence completer.
This day in history. 1950. The FBI put out its first 10 Most Wanted list and my dad lost a bet because only 2 of the guys were his brothers.
I just found out that blackbirds aren’t afraid of squirrels and now I’m afraid of blackbirds.
I would throw myself under a duvet for you.
I don’t know why these Jehovah’s Witnesses won’t give me their addresses in case I think of something more to shout at them.