If I offended anyone in the last 24 hours sorry but I forgot my medication and I ran out or premium beer and my son’s dating a scientologist
If you’re testing me, we failed.
This day in history. 1940. Carbon-14 was discovered, allowing us to estimate the age of organic materials such as wood, leather, and Cher.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
This day in history. 1887. A farmer in Montana claimed he found a 15 inch long snowflake and his wife said that means it was about 3 inches.
You can’t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
I guess I didn’t lobby hard enough to make extroduce the word of the year.
This day in history. 1881. A man in Großliebenthal Ukraine hit by an 8 kg stone deduced that it was a meteorite as his wife was out of town.
I would organize my thoughts but I’m afraid they would form a union and demand benefits.
My biological clock is wheezing.
We can put a man on the moon but we can’t reference any other achievements?
Be yourself; everyone else is already Batman.
If money can’t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
I hate restaurants where they won’t let you bring your own mariachi band.
Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.