Isn’t it time to start naming hurricanes after IKEA furniture.
[commercial for IKEA]
Are you easily frustrated? Want to find out?
I gave all the neighborhood kids at the summer block party a whistle and was immediately asked to leave. That was easy.
My neighbors, leaf blowing Larry and tile cutting Tim, are in the midst of a noise war, so I blasted “Let it Go” and won.
[Commercial for X-Games]
Drank too much Red Bull? Want to prove it?
I found my husband’s shirt in the dishwasher & his beer mug in the hamper, but the details of this caper have yet to emerge.
Last night, James Bond came to me in a dream. Turned on the radio & told me that I had to fight for my right to party
Also, I tried Ambien
My 6yo niece grabbed all the sharpies & uttered, “I’m testing something out.” I never knew this kind of fear existed.
Owner: I want to charge 6.99 for a cookie
Devil: I’ve got an idea
[Commercial for Disneyland]
Are you sunburnt and broke? Want to?
[First Date]
Him: And, how did you get here?
Me: My parents had sex.
hubs: why the makeup?
me: we’re cooking dinner together.
him: and…
me: and, I want to look nice when the police arrive.
If you’re worried that technology will take over remember humans develop technology & we’re surprised how hot it is in the summer. Always.
War & Peace wasn’t written to be downloaded on your iPad, Carol. Tolstoy wrote it for you to carry around and impress people with.
Bewitched was my favorite show about a woman who had a magical power & couldn’t use it because she got married.