You guys realize “business up front, party in the back” is only about mullets, right?
Sin?
I thought you said gin.
*shrug*
Either way, make mine a double.
“This is a masterpiece!”
“This, too is a masterpiece!”
“Another masterpiece!”My dog, to every blade of grass in the same yard every morning while I’m late for work.
These golfers behind me keep yelling, “Take your shot!” but they haven’t poured me any tequila.
Delivery!
Mail!
Dog!
Bunny!
A leaf fell!
Wind!
Nothing!
Nothing again!-My dog’s daily announcements
My turd eating dog just spit out something I cooked if anyone wants to come to dinner.
Humans: That made me puke. I’ll never do that again!
Dogs: That made me puke. I’m gonna get into it everyday this week!!
The fridge drawer is marked “crisper” but it is pronounced “rotter.”
I have this odd feeling that I’m going to be that crazy old lady that yells at everyone to get off the lawn.
From my apartment balcony.
I love seeing the look of dawning comprehension as someone realizes a new truth.
*tosses another water balloon from my roof
You guys realize St. Valentine was beheaded, right?
Why does lipgloss last 43 minutes on my lips but 17 years on my coffee mug?
If I litter my sidewalk and steps with those little pumpkins, does it keep people out or make them trip or what?
Cw: What are you having for lunch?
Me: Unwelcome company it seems.
Mandatory urine test tomorrow means asparagus for dinner tonight.
Two can play.