I just made the PERFECT phone call!
My parents didn’t answer.
At 57, when I say I want to last longer in bed, I mean sleep more.
I’ve been watching HGTV with my wife for the past two hours, and just once – just ONCE – I would like to see a couple looking for a home who hates entertaining.
Female lamb: I feel so much pressure to conform more.
Therapist: Hey, ewe do ewe.
Lamb: THAT’S your advice?
Therapist: I woold take it if I were ewe.
Lamb: SERIOUSLY?!
Therapist: (grins sheepishly)
Lamb:
Therapist:
Lamb:
Therapist: Why are ewe maaaaaaad at me?
I accidentally used my cat’s shampoo, and now my wife takes pictures of me every 15 minutes.
Why isn’t ‘ampersand’ spelled ‘ampers&’?