i wanted som fried chicken but i didnt have any chicken so i fried an egg adn waited a few years
my son just asked me where do pizzas come from adn has yet to ask me where do babeys come from. thats my boy
“building-building building building building-building building”
(translatiom: structur-making tower makimg another structure-making tower)
on earth: a magiciam puts his hand in his hat
in the rabbit realm: The Hand emerges. it is time. the rabit council must chose a sacrifice
*pets a duck* helo litle friemd u used to b a dinosuar
“evreytime god closes a door, he opens a window” – me, tryimg to convince my clients their house isnt haunted
in other news: 8 hours from now, half the country will be screaming about tragedy and loss b/c some dudes didnt catch a ball enough times
“yer a magician, harry” hagrid said to hary houdini when he graduted magic academy
opening a deli called “Work” a steakhouse caled “The Gym” adn a fried chicken place caled “A Funeral” for ppl who like to eat & need excuses
i wonder how many time-travelers accidemtaly went back in time instead of forward but then saw a knight & thought “wow look at this robot!!”
she left me for good. what am i suposed to do now?
“…there ar plenty of fish in the sea”
OK DUDE FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GONA DATE A FISH
hmmm public speakimg clases..? well do u hav private speakimg clases? bc i hav a secret *leans in close to u* I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO WHISPER
*touches a turtel* *dies*
*touches a plant* *dies*
wow mario are u allergic to evreything or wat
giv a man a fish adn he’ll say “wat is this i ordered a mcflurry”
teach a man to fish adn he’ll say “how ar u the manager of this mcdonalds”
*dinosaur at zoo roars at me*
“ROAR”
whoa wat kimd of dinosaur is this
“GROWL”
hmm
“SHOUT”
hmmm
“YELL”
hmmmmm
“HOLLER”
oh its a thesaurus