Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

the annoying thing about the top secret documents is that now we’re all talking about them and i’m just like, omg what do they say???? and i keep forgetting we’re not allowed to know and that’s the whole point. but like, just tell me!!!! i won’t tell i swear

pretty messed up how “what are you weaknesses” is an acceptable question in job interviews but not on first dates

me: [selects “send verification code as text” on a website]
me three seconds later: oh boy a tex mesage