No coffin for me thanks. I want to be creamated and have my ashes stored in a nice Tupperware container.
My husband booked a hotel room for Valentine’s day. It was wonderful. I had the whole house to myself!
My husband and I have a lot in common. We’re both married to immature people and live in a filthy house.
I told my husband that one of the kids isn’t his. He’s not mine either. He just wandered in one day and never went home.
I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.
My husband says how much he loves my cooking by having poison control on speed dial.
My kids used to get so mad at me for not picking them up after school. But, good mothers don’t drink and drive.
My Ponds Vanishing cream disappeared.
Inflation has gotten so bad, the 7-Eleven changed its name to the 9-Thirteen.
I had a big wedding and I’ve birthed three children so there are a lot of fond memories. The two I cherish most are the day I got my iPhone and the day the new liquor store opened up on the corner.
It’s hard to make the bed when someone’s in it. Especially if it’s me.
They say you should throw out anything you haven’t used in six months. There goes the vacuum!
I’m trying to break up with this fruit fly but he just won’t go away.
The same mosquito kept biting me last night. He probably thought he was at a wine tasting event.
If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch refusing to clean bigger rooms.