Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Get yourself one of those swords from the mall. Stay vigilant
Me: I wonder why my stomach hurts
Taco Bell: that’s weird, I dunno what it could be
I really want a family
sized bag of peanut butter m&ms
All food is good if you spell it wrong
Why do they put stools in bars? They’re like the tipsiest type of sitting utensil
Why didn’t they call it Guardians of the Galaxthree
The government even made aliens boring
Now taking applications to pretend to be my boyfriend on Saturday and go with me to my friend’s kid’s graduation party. I can’t pay anything but you can steal stuff from their house
We’re going to run out of sausage if no one ever wants to know how it’s made
I missed a swipe when shaving my legs and now my leg has a mohawk
I wish you were here with me baby
So you can close the curtains and let the dog out, I don’t wanna get up
Live your life so that a group of nuns sings a whole song about trying to solve a problem like you
Here’s my thread about the spiders I’ve taken outside
– tonight was Bruce. He was medium sized and fast, but cooperated well 4/5 stars
I never eat spiders in my sleep because I hang a sign at the door to my mouth that says “I’m a vegetarian” and they know to leave
Casual: Rob a bank
Fancy: Robert a bank