I can’t get the cork off my dinner.
I would explain it to you but I’m all out of puppets and crayons.
All my life, I never thought I’d wake up at 6am to go jogging…and I was right.
If the emoji I wanna text is not in the “recently used,” you may have to wait 3 days till I find it.
I got mood poisoning. Must have been something I hate.
You know instead of saying half a dozen you could just say 6, right?
Back in the day my parents wanted me to marry only one of my own.
Now they’re like “That orangutan looks nice. That elephant looks smart.”