Apple has solved laptop theft by making them obsolete by the time thieves get out the door.
Adding “family” to words sucks out all the fun: Vacation? Family vacation. Car? Family car. Movie? Family movie. Affair? Family affair.
They say don’t dress for the job you have, but for the job you want. Still, I think I look pretty stupid waiting tables in a spacesuit.
They should remake The Ring; instead of a tape, the creepy little girl uploads her video to YouTube and wipes out pretty much everybody.
“That’s what” – She
We’d have serious problems if Peter Jackson ever became president. He’d look at World Wars I and II and see them as an unfinished trilogy.
Egyptians don’t walk like that.
According to my laptop, my New Year’s resolution is 1680 x 1050.
Girls hate it when you give them Christmas presents with an implied expectation, like an iron, a food processor, or knee pads.
My iPhone corrects “WHOA” to “WHOSE”, which just made my text response to “I JUST HAD A BABY!!!” a little awkward.
Idea for dieting: Fridges with mirrors.
My family used to move a lot when I was a kid, but I always found them.
People who complain that my Christmas gifts are “stupid” and “thoughtless” clearly have no idea how hard it is to wrap a pineapple.
I was in a serious relationship once. We never even smiled.
The Church of England rejected female bishops. How can women’s rights expect to move forward if they’re not even allowed to move diagonally?