Before couples have children, they should walk head-on into a Category 5 hurricane to make sure they’re ready.
My wife just told me 11 more things I do wrong after she said she wasn’t talking to me anymore.
Got my daughter a one-dollar gift card to the Dollar Store and told her to get whatever she wants.
We got a dusting of snow here in Michigan. Or as people south of Ohio refer to it: “Death Blizzard 2017.”
Didn’t find out until I got to work that these exposed-shoulder tops are intended for women.
Decided not to waste $300 on obedience training after watching my dog bark at a shovel on the patio for 10 minutes.
My wife and I trade off on bathroom cleaning. She avoids it one weekend, I avoid it the next.
I think when calories reach a certain point snack companies should be allowed to say “You don’t want to know” on the nutrition label.
Told my wife “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” and now she’s not mad, she’s furious.
My wife celebrates Christmas on December 26th. That’s when she returns everything I bought her and gets what she wants.
Just listed my wife as my emergency contact and added the note “please text, she doesn’t answer calls.”
For the well-being of our marriage, my wife and I have separate Amazon accounts.
Assuring my wife that we are just meaningless organisms in a bleak, indifferent world doesn’t seem to be helping her get over her bad haircut.
The huge spider I bravely killed for my wife turned out to be a piece of thread. I’m not telling her.
I guess writing “To Whom It May Concern” on the note of apology isn’t the wisest idea when your wife accuses you of being cold and impersonal.