My wife said we need to go buy some more mulch for the garden. I’m just going to take the kids to the playground instead. When we get home I’ll empty out their pockets and we’ll have enough wood chips to cover the entire garden.
I asked my 6yo to help me open my mail, so he did it and said “there you go Tommy” which would totally make sense if my name was actually Tommy
My 6yo said “I’m still hungry” and I couldn’t resist responding with “I’m still daddy”
People always say that when you have two kids that they’ll play together so it’s less work for the parents. Nobody mentions how loud they play together though.
When my 5yo brought home a library book called “People Don’t Bite People” I was really hoping this wasn’t a story his teacher recommended for him
I realized I was taking too long to get my toddler her food when she started growling at me
I think it’s really important to always support your children even though they might say troubling things like they “don’t like chocolate pudding”
I had to explain to my 5yo that he’s not allowed to “kaboom” the baby
I told my 5yo we weren’t going to read an extra story at bedtime so in protest he took his pillow and a blanket and went to sleep in my laundry basket filled with clothes. I wish I was making this up.
My 5yo acts like some sorta food connoisseur when I cook but today I caught him eating bread that he’d dipped in his cup of milk. What’s the deal with that?!
My 5yo would like to wish you all a Happy Balance Time Day
When my wife came home I hid under a blanket and my quick thinking 5yo said to her “That’s not daddy under the blanket. That’s just a big lump.”
If you give your kid a roll of tape today then you should expect you’ll need to buy more tape tomorrow
My son is playing his first soccer game tonight and I’m pretty stoked he wasn’t the first kid to start eating the grass
A toddler will look you dead in the eye and ask you if it’s Christmas soon when Christmas was yesterday