My wife just had to explain to our 5yo that you “don’t put butter in a smoothie”
If you want your kid to repeat doing something then just say “don’t do that!”
I asked my 5yo why he didn’t eat all his lunch and he said he only likes his apples cut straight. I have no idea what that means.
At this point, HBO knows we’d watch any dragon show. Like: The King needs an heir to the throne that unites the 7 pillars of sanctity across the river of Borjovia, but encounters a dragon from Mt Draco that needs crystal fire blessed by the monks that own the local kebab shop.
My 5yo’s teacher wore a Slytherin t-shirt to school and now I’m concerned about the type of magic my son might be learning
The kid’s party I went to yesterday was great until all the kids were given whistles to take home and now I’ll never hear again
I love that Amazon hires data scientists to figure out that based on my excessive paper towel purchase history I likely have two kids and a cat
Until I had kids I wasn’t aware that Hakuna Matata could be sung in such a threatening manner
Sometimes my 5yo asks profound questions and other times he asks me if our garbage bin is big enough to fit a whole cow
Before kids: Why would anyone need a 24 pack of paper towels?!
After kids: Oh.
My 5yo just sat down after doing some yard work and said “what a day” so I think he’s a dad now
My kid told me it was too sunny outside and for a moment it seemed like he wanted me to do something about it
Me: Alexa, tell me a joke!
Alexa: You’re definitely going to finish that home improvement project this weekend.
My 5yo won an argument with me by saying “I’m just going to agree with myself”
My 5yo won an argument with me by saying “I’m just going to agree with myself”